sheridan | [Closed] Alone, awake and thinking of...the weekend we were in love.

Better late than never, right? I think everyone should try it at least once.

[The moonlight streaming through the glass provides just enough guidance for Asbel to make it across the room without bumping into anything. As for the window, with a yank of the latch and a shove, their path to freedom creaks open. A chorus of frogs chirping in the nearby waterway invades the room, the night breeze stirring documents arrayed across the heavy desk.]

[Grasping the sill, Asbel hoists himself up and over into the well-tended garden, passing a hand up for Richard to use so he won't fall.]

Careful, there's a bit of a drop.

I do wonder what else you would consider such important experiences, [ he'd answer, amused. Then again, he could only imagine the plethora of responses that could come from that. (-- And then again, he would likely end up going with many of those aforementioned suggestions. Asbel had a way of making him feel lighter than air).

But Richard would reach over the windowsill for Asbel's hand when it was offered, delicately clambering over it and sliding down into the garden, hoping they weren't wreaking too much havoc on the plants ] --Thank you. [ He'd let go of his friend's hand. ]

[ He looked around at the sheer density of the garden, the flowers making him smile ] Is this all Sophie's doing as well? It's beautiful.

Huh. [It's not exactly something Asbel was expecting to hear, or even thought about. Important experiences... he's been through plenty of those, some less fun than others, but many of them memorable, even worth repeating.] That could take a while. There are tons of things worth giving a chance, you know? Although some might get you in a lot of trouble, too.

Mm. [Asbel lowers his now-empty hand slowly, looking down at the garden in question. He shifts a foot, already dangerously close to one of his daughter's prized flowers.]

Yeah, a lot of it is. She spends most of the day taking care of the gardens. Mom helps, too, when she can. I've offered, but--I don't exactly have a green thumb. [He smiles a little.] Sophie's really protective of them all.

Edited 2015-03-29 21:32 (UTC)

[ A lot of trouble, eh. Again, Richard realizes how old they've been getting lately, feeling a little bittersweet that the punishments now for misconduct were so much greater than when they were children. Then again, the responsibility lent itself to that one. ] Maybe I'll have to pass on the worst of them, then.

[ But he'll slowly come to a crouch before the array of flowers, gloved fingers caressing a petal or two curiously. He was infinitely gentle though; what kind of big brother would he be if he hurt his precious little sister's flowers? ]

I can imagine. I can't say I have much experience tending to plants, myself. Although their beauty is unrivaled.

[ He'll look up at Asbel, curiously ] How has Sophie been doing, lately? I didn't have much time to speak with her before she and the girls went out.

[ Because what would a bachelor party with your wife-to-be and daughter right there be like, right... ]

Yeah, that'd probably cut the list by about half. [He shrugs lightly, watching as Richard kneels down to study the plants in question. Even in the darkness, it's hard not to notice how careful he is with them, as if they might shatter on contact.]

[He must've zoned out for a minute there, because when Richard turns his gaze back to him, Asbel finds himself snapping to attention with a start.]

--Sophie? She's...she's been great! And about as excited as anyone for the wedding. [He rubs the back of his neck, lifting his head to survey the night. It's actually really nice out, the air smelling fresh and green and slightly damp.]

She went on a shopping trip with the girls earlier this week to pick out dresses, I think. [Or was that several weeks ago?] And she keeps saying how she's looking forward to being a flower girl. I think she's asked me about a dozen times to explain exactly what they do during a ceremony so she can get every little detail right.

[ Asbel's... out of it. It's nothing extreme, but usually he's not nearly this absent-minded. And in the face of his wedding, that was... at least a little concerning to the King. ] That sounds just like her. [ The whole being inquisitive about details. Whereas Asbel's details-- 'I think' and the way he scratched the back of his neck...

No, he was likely just nervous, right? Even if one was getting married to the love of their life, there had to be a stress about all of the different planning aspects. Richard knew he'd get caught up in all of those little details. But Asbel was usually pretty straightforward. ]

And may I ask how excited you are? [ He'll finally straighten up, looking to Asbel and motioning as if he lead the way. This definitely was not 'a little climb', and being so close to the manor meant they were still to be easily found. ]

Yeah, that's Sophie. [Asbel's hand still hasn't strayed from its place at the back of his neck, although he seems to have stopped fidgeting, opting instead to let his attention wander again. And it does, until Richard's question pins him down.]

[He doesn't jump this time. The seconds tick by. Asbel tries to form a response - 'sure, he's excited! anyone would be excited about their own wedding, right?' - but...he can't say the words. He doesn't want to lie about it. Not to his best friend, anyway.]

[Asbel finally looks at him. He's not sure what Richard may think, but his expression probably isn't convincingly "excited". Still, he can take a hint. He pushes the window in so that it's almost completely shut and steps across the flowerbed while trying to do as little damage as possible.]

It's not very far. I thought we'd pay Lord Windegarde a visit.

[The redhead begins walking, nodding up at one of the windmills, its heavy wooden blades creaking and groaning at regular intervals, like an old man complaining about his joints.]

[ Richard doesn't question further. He looks veritably concerned, but he can press later, should Asbel want to open up to him about this. That doesn't stop him from wondering just what the issue might be. Cheria herself may be at times... overbearing, but Richard found her to be a wonderful friend and woman. So was it the fact that the marriage was too soon, or maybe was it that Asbel was unsure of himself, or...

The Mask of Barona would be able to cut to the chase much faster, but this was an intimate issue between friends. That, and Richard knew when to be delicate, and matters directly related to the heart like this...

He was infinitely careful, stepping lightly on his toes between flowers, his gaze downward. Finally they made it across, following Asbel and catching up to his side. ] That sounds like a good idea. He seems like he could use some company. [ A lighter, joking tone. ]

[Asbel offers Richard a small smile when he joins him, keeping the pace easy so that Richard won't fall behind and using the long shadows of the gated hillside cemetery to partially obscure their path.]

He could use some repairs, too. And a better name. They say he's been around since my great-grandfather's time, but since he's not one of the mills currently in use, we've had to give the others priority. Still, he's kind of like a member of the town.

[Talking about the windmill proves far easier than collecting his thoughts about the wedding. It's been a long time since he's had this many doubts about anything. Or worries. Maybe he's just overreacting and nervous as the others have said, but, there's probably more to it than that. And even though he has no desire to drag Richard down with his own problems, he gets the feeling that Richard at least would hear him out about them. Richard's always been clever and insightful. Maybe he'd be able to help him figure out this mess.]

[Reaching the base of the tower, Asbel lightly grips one of the lower rungs, peering at the platform far above them, and then glancing back at his friend.]

I used to climb up here all the time.

[ They're taking the 'back alley' route so to speak, Richard peering about at their surroundings discreetly before his gaze returned to Asbel. He doubts that they'd get caught at such a place, but if Asbel came here often, there was always some chance. ]

Indeed, he is. Changing his name now, however, would most likely confuse everyone more than anything. It's a pity that he has to wait for maintenance... [ Hmm. Maybe he can find a way to help Asbel on that front. Especially given that it seems to be one of his best friend's places to simply hang out and think for himself. When had the last time been, Richard wonders? Between a fiancé and a child and a town to run, it had to be difficult to find.

Richard wants to help, although he also will not prod too hard if Asbel doesn't want to talk about it. After all, it's his night. And as some would say, the night was still young. There were many hours to simply chat and unwind if it turned out to that. ]

I can only envision it. A younger Asbel scrambling up these rungs. [ A light hum ] Did Hubert climb with you as well?

[ He'd wait for Asbel to climb up first, fully intending to follow. ]

Edited 2015-04-10 05:50 (UTC)

[Well, even for a small town, there's always someone around.]

You're probably right about that. I did try it once, but no one liked my suggestion any better. Honestly, it was just as bad - worse, even. [He makes a face, already anticipating Richard's reaction. He's willing to put up with it, though; he really was terrible at names.] "The Wind Master".

It shouldn't be too long, though... If we budget carefully. [If he can conserve funds without upsetting anyone. It's a tough balancing act. The shops, the army, taxes, maintaining the roads, the walls, the cryas mines. And then if there's any more monster attacks, or some other problem that comes up unexpectedly.]

[Asbel shakes his head, casting a teasing look behind him as he starts up the side.] Uh-huh. I'll have you know I could climb this ladder with my eyes closed back then and still turn a somersault at the top.

[He doesn't try one tonight. He's gotten taller, the distance between the top rung and the platform too short to pull such a thing off without a very real risk of losing his balance and cracking his head. But he manages to push himself up with swift, practiced ease, letting out a light breath before he kneels down to lend Richard an extra hand.]

Mmn. Sometimes he did. After he gave up telling me how dangerous and scary it was, anyway. What about you, Richard? I know you have your hill. Was there anywhere else you liked to go?

[He's not really trying to change the subject. He's not. But now that he thinks about it, he doesn't really know too much about what it was like for Richard growing up.]

[ Hearing about Asbel's childhood exploits never fails to put a smile on his face. And, even then, some things never change- like his "interesting" affinity for names. Still, it's another charming thing about him all the same.

Asbel might find his anticipated response in an answering chuckle. ] That's not as bad as you make it sound. Although, that could just be because I have experience with your naming conventions. [ Between "The Wind Master" and "Tiger Festival", well... one was certainly much more ludicrous.

Once there's more than enough room, Richard begins his own ascent- gloved fingers grasping at the rungs. In comparison, he moves carefully- not quite needing the hand Asbel reaches out, but grateful for it nonetheless, taking it and allowing himself to be helped up. ]

Me? Well... [ Whether it's an attempt at changing the subject or not, the king doesn't point it out. Richard straightens up, looking out at Lhant. After the whirlwind of chaos that was Asbel's party, the town feels so quiet; almost as though they're the only ones awake. ] Not particularly. As much as I love Barona, there wasn't really any way to get some peace of mind in the city.

[ There was nothing like being recognized consistently in public to make one self conscious, as well as a possible target. And for safety's sake, he was never truly alone out in the city, either. ] I did sometimes find places in the castle to stow away and read books... but I'm not certain that counts as going somewhere.

[ Richard turns to Asbel, a neutral but serene expression on his features as a hand rests on the wooden banister. ] I can see why you would want to come here. It's a lovely view.

[It really is quiet up here. The fresh air seems to be helping too, and he can feel his nerves slowly beginning to unwind.]

I think it does? I mean, I'm no bookworm or anything but Hubert could sit around for hours with his nose in one. And he'd always make the biggest fuss if I interrupted him.

[He may have tried it a few times, just to see what he'd do. He was that sort of kid, after all.]

[Asbel finds himself a spot on one of the crates nearby, somewhere he can enjoy the breeze and still look down and see everything. The cryas lanterns lighting the town, the flicker of the town guard's campfires, the fireflies winking in and out like ornaments scattered through the forest.]

Yeah, it really is. You can see the whole town like this. And when the wind picks up, or the fog rolls in, it kind of feels like flying.

[It's nice being up here. It's nice having company. So often these days it seems like everyone's rushing about - for his own sake, he knows, and he's grateful, really! But... Even so. It's just...so nice to have someone around who's willing to simply hang out and talk. To just be. Without any pressure or expectations or anything like that.]

[Richard looks so calm standing there he can feel his heart lift a little. But at the same time, he can feel some of his own neutrality crumbling around him, and the horrible truth that's been nagging at the back of his mind even as he struggles to protect everyone else. The truth is...he's not excited. Not at all. Not like he knows he's supposed to be.]

[But he smiles gently, like he always does. He doesn't want Richard to worry, after all.]

Guess we have a history of showing each other things like this, huh?

It's true that a good book draws you in- as though you're in another world entirely.

[ Much like the liminal space that tonight is to the both of them. After all, it's always exceedingly rare that they even have the time to put their duties to their lands aside - so to do both that, and be alone together... it's these tiny moments that Richard is sure to cherish for the rest of his life.

It's selfish to want more of them. After all, Asbel has already given him so much. But as time marches on, and the wedding draws nearer, thoughts he'd seemingly made peace with years ago haunt him between meetings, in the long moments before he falls asleep.

At least here, with Asbel, they leave him be. He draws only close enough to step away from the ladder and open space, standing by his side. His smile is reassuring, but he wonders just what Asbel thinks of it all. Come to think of it, everything he'd said was about anyone or anything else. ]

That, we do. [ Richard's own smile might betray a touch of concern, but he isn't here to put Asbel on the spot, either. If what he needs right now is simply the company of a dear friend, well... that's what Richard will give to him. ] These sorts of places are... important. Perhaps not private in the conventional sense of the word, but... they offer peace of mind nonetheless.

[ He looks back out to Lhant, admiring the fireflies. It'd be ludicrous to say he could completely forget, but in places like these, the heavy weight of an entire kingdom eases off his shoulders somewhat. ]

What kind of books were they?

[Pure curiosity has him asking. Asbel knows he can't do anything about the past, but as a friend, he'd like to get to know Richard better, and that includes the boy he used to be. Asbel's watching him now, a little fondly, his head shrugging to one side in open invitation.]

[It must seem like a contradiction for someone like Asbel who thrives in close group settings, amongst all the activity and banter, but it isn't hard to notice how much more at ease he is out here. At ease enough to stop and consider Richard's words, and answer them in the most honest way he can.]

"Peace of mind"...

I think you're right about that. These past few weeks, I've been pretty anxious. But I feel a lot better already. Kind of like your books, I guess? It's almost like visiting a different world, at least for a little while.

Well... there were a lot of different kinds. But my favorite books tended towards adventure. Tales of those who were able to go on far-reaching journeys across the world, largely to find themselves and their true calling.

[ Freedom from expectation and pressures indeed. He remembers wishing he could embark on such adventures and meet steadfast friends like those hiding within the pages. And while he miraculously had those friends now, he supposes completely and utterly happy endings might truly be fantasy. It's not like he's miserable- but some facets of a normal life are truly well beyond his reach.

Upon invitation, Richard approaches- only needing to take a few steps before he'll carefully sit beside him, on a crate pressed up against his. ]

There has been quite a lot going on, [ he responds, a gloved hand resting between them, the other folded neatly in his lap. At the very least, he wants Asbel to know that Richard considers his worries to be no burden at all. ] If there's anything on your mind, Asbel, I'm always willing to listen.

They sound nice, Richard. [He cracks an amused smile. (Adventure stories, huh? Yeah, that suits Richard for sure.) He can still remember how Richard lit up when they came to see him in Barona, eager to show them the sights and have their own little mini adventure together.] And incredibly relatable.

[It took a far-reaching journey for Asbel to find his own purpose, after all. Though these days, he wonders if it's all just a little more complicated than that. It'd be great if that was all he needed to figure out what he should do, how he should move forward.]

[Even if Richard considers it no burden at all, Asbel still worries about putting his own weight on Richard's shoulders when he already has to carry so much. But at the same time, it's not something he can keep lugging around all by himself. These past few days, he's considered going to Captain Malik, where he knows he could get worldly man-to-man advice. However, he's not sure this is something the Captain can help him with.]

[Richard, though... He doesn't know if Richard will have any idea what he should do, but he seems to understand feelings, and he's right here, and whenever they talk he always feels a little better, a little stronger, a little less lost. So...]

[He bows his head, his gaze skating across the uneven boards that make up the windmill's viewing platform, and then he seems to steel himself.]

Well... To be honest there's been a lot on my mind. You asked me earlier how excited I was. But the truth is, I can't say for certain that I'm very excited about the wedding at all.

[He closes his eyes, knowing what he just said probably sounds like the most awful thing in the world.]

[ Although he may not understand why his dear friend feels that way, Richard already imagines what Asbel is about to bring up. After all, he'd completely dodged his same question earlier.

That doesn't take away from the gravity of the situation, though. From what he can glean of Asbel's expression in the relative darkness, he can tell that this has been truly plaguing him. ] I see...

To be honest, I suspected as much earlier. [ His tone isn't shocked, or even slighted in any way. Instead, his cadence is softer, sympathetic. While Richard fully expects to go through with a marriage of convenience for an heir, he always imagined that Asbel's own wedding with a close friend and loved one would alleviate that duty somewhat. So to hear that this might be doing just the opposite... ] Do you know why that might be?

[ Perhaps another miscommunication between the two? Maybe Richard is just so set upon ensuring Asbel's happiness that he'd missed something, somewhere. Whatever it is, he intends to support Asbel with it to the best of his ability. ]

[Figures Richard already knew what was up. He's always been awful at hiding things. But rather than making him feel even more guilty, that knowledge actually makes Asbel feel better, if only a little bit.]

[He exhales slowly, and raises his head again.]

Well... Things were fine when Cheria got back from her relief work. Seeing her and Sophie together, and spending more time together, it really started to feel like we were family. It gave us a chance to reconnect after all this time. And I was happy with that.

But. It hasn't all been perfect. Sometimes she won't talk to me. Or she'll get angry and I can't figure out why. I know I'm pretty bad at this kind of thing, but it's even harder when I don't know what went wrong.

And now with the wedding right around the corner, it's not just us, but the whole town that's gotten involved.

[None of that really answers the question, though, and he stares down at his open hand as he tries to put this feeling into words.]

I don't blame Cheria. But there are times when I wonder if maybe she sees a version of me that I'm not. Like maybe we're being rushed into all this before we have a chance to really understand one other.

[ Richard listens- watching Asbel as he takes everything in. It sounds... like not much has changed, actually. Or, to be more precise, that not much has changed between the future groom and bride, while everything else is changing too quickly around them. Although... ]

'A version of you that you're not'... [ He echoes, contemplative. ] It may certainly be difficult to fully understand someone else's perception of you at times, especially when it feels far from your own.

[ Richard speaks from experience- even if the two situations are markedly different. Still, knowing where this perceived gap lies might be the key in understanding Asbel's anxieties. ]

What do you think she might be seeing?

[Richard's not exactly wrong. He may understand Cheria a lot better than he did, what she went through back then, the things she likes and the things that make her worry. But not too much has changed otherwise. The thing that really bewilders him is when he thinks everything's totally fine with them, and then suddenly it isn't.]

It's kind of hard to put into words. But like... the other evening. She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her we could take a walk around Lhant together. So we did that. But then once we got back, she said I was being "un-believable" and stormed off like I'd forgotten to do something important. I thought about it all night. It isn't her birthday yet, and we hadn't made any other plans.

[ On a surface level, his story does sound incomprehensible. But this is Asbel, and it's not entirely outside the realm of possibility that this 'walk around Lhant' had been... literally just that.

Of course, from what he knows of Cheria, she's not very forthcoming with her feelings. So this 'something important' that she expected of him...

Is there a delicate way to phrase this? ]

... From my recollection of our travels together, Cheria seems to be quite invested in romantic endeavors. [ While everyone enjoyed teasing Hubert about Pascal, it had been difficult not to notice the gleam in her eye when she focused on their potential love. ] Being able to connect as family is quite important, but it does differ greatly from the passion that generally accompanies a romantic relationship.

[ It's not awkward per se to talk about this, but. Richard turns his head, keeping Asbel in his periphery as he watches the night sky. ] Of course, I cannot speak on her behalf.

[Wow, Richard! How did you know?? It's almost like you were there. Yeah, it was exactly like that.]

Oh. Yeah...I guess I knew that.

[What Richard's trying to say makes sense. And yet, isn't that just it? Cheria may be into that kind of thing, and she seems to like helping others with their love lives, but when it's just them? ...No, he can't think of a single time it hasn't ended awkwardly.]

[He does care for Cheria. For that matter, he's had a crush on her ever since they were reunited (even if that had blown up in his face, too). But passion? He's not sure that's a word he'd use. If she were in trouble, he'd be so passionate about it he'd probably need a bucket of cold water thrown in his face, but with "romantic endeavors"... Well, it's kind of hard to feel anything like that when it's all so complicated.]

I remember walking in on Raymond once when he was trying to woo Cheria, but, that's not me.

[ ~~He knows you all too well, Asbel.~~

The mention of the more... lovelorn Oswell, to put it mildly, has Richard raising his brows. ]

I would certainly hope not. [ His tone is a bit lighter with amusement, shaking his head. Imagining Asbel acting remotely like the man in the stories he's heard is more than a little disconcerting. ] Everyone expresses their feelings their own way, after all. It would be disingenuous to try otherwise.

[ Of course, the problem is that miscommunication. Still: ] I don't think those expressions have to be dramatic; they'd simply have to convey your feelings to her.

[But isn't that what people do? Make declarations of love? Er... well, Cheria hadn't seemed too happy to hear it at the time, and Raymond had gotten pretty embarrassingly over-the-top, claiming Cheria had enslaved him and all that. (Asbel thinks he caught the words "princess" and "goddess" in there somewhere, too, but he isn't sure.)]

[Still, he's even more confused now. Conveying his feelings is what he thought he'd been doing all along.]

Yeah, but. What if the other person doesn't really get what you're trying to convey? I guess I don't really have the slightest idea what counts as romantic or not.

[Are those lessons still on the table, Richard? Because. He's still totally lost on what to do.]

it's a gift

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/gently leaves a tag at your doorstep.

!!!!

\o/

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